Dear Sister (6 am poetry)

I couldn't sleep tonight, but it was a good night. This precious thought came into my head and I ran with it. I wrote something, maybe you'll like it? And maybe you won't. It's here to stay. I adore it. It's entitled: Dear sister

To be a woman .....

You are everything 

You are infinitely beautiful

You are curvaceous 

You curves flow and spill over with character and strength 

You are willful spiritual beings of love

You are an important child of God

You matter to Him, everything from your tears to your thoughts matter

You persevere in a man's world because it too, belongs to you

You are wise beyond their opinions, more than a container for the mind 

You are an act of faith

You are more than a failed attempt because you are the journey 

You are a creator, an artist, a poet, a foundation of newness 

You are distraught, disappointed, depressed, desperate, dejected, cynical, irrevocably scared, and anxious

But you will not be for much longer sister

You are a woman

You are fierce, even in the politest of ways

You are a warrior

You are a conquerer, your difficulties will soon begin to quake at the mere thought of you

You are a lovely silhouette 

You are kissed by the sun and caressed by the moon because of your ethereal glory 

You are your actions

You are a scornful wrath

You are an engaging embrace

You are anything you choose to be

You are purpose and love beautifully intertwined together 

You are not too much of anything because you are supposed to be wonderfully imperfect

You make me proud because you are a woman

Love and light, 

Honey Bee

DEPRE-

I've fallen in some type of slump here in Abu Dhabi. I'm unmotivated and there's no promise of excitement for the next day as there was in Sweden. Am I done with this country? 

I've finally found it in me to get social, whether or not the age difference between these people and I are 10 years + and awkward. For lack of understanding, how does one lift ones self out of a depressed state? Should I try daily affirmations? I pray a lot, daily dialogues and such. It's going well, but then again when is Jesus not super attentive and there for you? 

I started working out again. That's a definite step because I enjoy taking care of myself. Maybe the issue is instant gratification and I need to learn to be ok with how life isn't happening at an instant's speed. One step should be enough for now, but it feels more like a failure to take a bigger, more effective step. 

I'm trying not to be negative, it's a bad thing. If everything happens for a reason, NO COINCIDENCES, then nothing is a failure, a downfall, a bad thing. I forget that because I count some "bad" things and all good things. Time for change, eh?

Have a good day America,

Honey 

The Scandinavian Diaries - Day 8

It's day 8 on the island of Södermalm and I suck at this diary business, it's not a diary anymore. 

I'm writing a before/after type diary today guys. Why? I've just been invited to an Indian BBQ where they'll only speak Hindi or Urdu and yea... I want to take advantage of going to one because I don't know when I'll be going to one again, but I won't be speaking to anyone (the fucking language barrier, der) so hopefully this won't be as long as a Bollywood movie. So here's my BEFORE, before the questions and assumptions and comfort level. It's good to be uncomfortable sometimes. It's good for the soul. Comfort for long periods of time is unsettling, that means nothing new is coming into your life and you aren't really developing as a human being. So let's get uncomfortable.

And here's the AFTER, the hard cold truth. It wasn't bad! I thought it was going to be your average 1,000 person Pakistani party, but it was actually an intimate get together with a few people. It was outside of the city, a quaint area and a cute house. I guess I should also mention that these people all have money .... Not like Jim Jones' BALLIN'! but they're well off so it was cute and fun. The food was really good. I did sit awkwardly by myself a lot of the time, but I'm used to it, wasn't my first rodeo so that was w.e. Then I guess this one lady felt bad for me and insisted that I play with the children ... Yea, she asked if an 11 year old could include me ... guys, I'm on the verge of 21 I'm just sayin. It was such a beautiful day so I went back to sitting outside with the men, I enjoy men-talk. Ever since I was in Belgium and my Belgian dad would talk to me about all types of things, I like what men have to say about business and politics. 

All in all, people mostly spoke Urdu and Swedish, but when else am I gona go to a party where people are speaking that interchangeably? It was cool. 

My advice to you guys: just do it. Whatever it is. Say yes more than you say no. I wanted to say no, but I forced a yes out of me and it was worth it.

The Scandinavian Diaries - Day 9

Nothing really important to say except for one piece of screamable bullshit. Yoooooo, WHY?!!!!!!!! Guys, I walk a lot while in Sweden and that's fine. I brought clothing and footwear to accommodate that because that's above looking cute. Comfort first!

So anyways, today I walked so much more than ever. I wore my dark green pencil skirt from topshop because it's so cute and right under knees so it's appropriate and won't ride up while I'm all over Stockholm. Wrong my friends. While everything was comfortable and good ON the hood, it's what was brewing UNDER the hood. This is getting too long, my bad. I got ... I don't even know, burned? Chaffed? Deep fried? Guys, my inner thighs have huge raised redish fuschia spots of death. It hurt so much. I wanted to just cop a squat anywhere and remain there for the remainder of my life. HATED IT. 

Moral of the story: skirts are awesome and sexy. I looked like a cocoa mermaid today. Skirts, however, are NOT for long distance walking for those of the larger thigh variety. My thighs are jumbo and to say they touch is an understatement, they're cuddling lovers. So I'll never wear a skirt for exploration again. 

The end.

Unsweetened Honey

The Scandinavian Diaries - Day 3

Hej hej! (That's Swedish guys)  

Today is July 1st, my day 3 in Sweden. This city is pure magic, I swear. For soooo many reasons I'm in love with it. There hasn't been any sun which kind of stinks, but I'm not even focused on that. Yes, it's also cold, but I've been able to get over it. I absolutely adore Stockholm and it's quirks. I am most definitely coming back to this city if I don't move here at some point. How lovely. 

But how weird is it that 4 completely different people have said that they bet I'd find a husband here!? I don't particularly believe in coincidences, but I'm not gona lie ... I did imagine myself and my future family life with a blonde Swedish papi. Apparently the people here like people of color because they're so far and few, but nobody has gone out of their way to talk to me yet (sad face). Well ... There was this one creepy old man that got up and asked me how I knew he was staring at my neck bc I put my scarf on after he started .... But guys, I literally had my scarf on the entire time so that was odd. 

People have been kind so far, but people who are working or if I ask for directions at an information area. It's not like Indonesia where the entire fucking island is on cloud 9 and chipper from dawn to dusk, but I feel comfortable in that sense. 

Before you ask, yes I've gotten lost already. I hate that shit. I like knowing where I'm going and walking with confidence. I always get lost guys, it's super typical of life tbh. I'm used to it, but I just like to bring it up from time to time.

I haven't done too much other than exploring, but I've loved what I've seen and the way I feel in the city. I live on Södermalm and that's a small island, city-like setup, and then there's a train to take you into the big city. A bit reminiscent of Brussels. 

I'm already in love with this city. I'm sure my week will only get better from here!

Pus pus,

Bee

Back at it again

It's late and I keep forgetting to mention this so here it is short and without much detail.

I've planned a spontaneous solo trip to Sweden for July and I'm pumped and I can't wait to be somewhere new again. I've been to so many different places in my lifetime, but I literally bounce off of the walls in my thrilled heart everytime a new opportunity arises. 

I have a layover in Turkey for about 16 hours so I'm hoping to spend the day sightseeing my top 3 sights and then make it back to the UAE for Ramadan .... womp womp. But this isn't a morbid post, so jk. 

I might blog daily-ish like Belgium (LOL) and I can't wait! 

Here I come Scandinavia.

Buhhhhhbye,

Bee Bee

P.S. The weather during the summer is like in the 50's and 60's ..... Let's just let that sink in.

21 Day Vegan Challenge

It's day 2 of me being on this 21 day vegan journey. I'm truly happy with it, I just noticed that I'm sometimes hungry. The strange thing is that I've noticed this for weeks now. I'll eat a meal and then a few hours pass and my stomach is furious with starvation. WHYYYYYYY. It almost feels normal to me, but I'm not sure what to do. To feed or not to feed? I'm not into starving myself for a goal, but I feel like my body is lying to me. How can I eat so well and feel starved so soon?

Anyways, I'm finding the key to eating well is preparation and I've been doing good so far. It's easy and I love it when my food tastes good. I can really do this! My biggest struggle will probably be snacking, it's so easy to open up a pack of cookies or chips and go to town, but in can cock block those habits with fruits, or so I've noticed. I'm excited. I've never been so excited to please myself from the inside to the outside. 

Call me crazy, but my skin is also looking nice too. I switched my water bottle to a glass bottle and I feel like I deserve a Nobel prize guys. I drink SOOOOO much water now and I was basically the water queen so imagine my drinking now. YEA, I KNOW. Not only are glass bottles safer to drink out of bc of the chemicals found in plastic bottles, but they're also awesome for the environment so yay me. I'm feeling all life changey these days, it's cool. I'm also tired, but jk because I'm ALWAYS tired.

I challenge you guys to find something in your life that you can change to live healthier or hats good for the environment like maybe eating red meat less or buying certain soft skin fruits organic or drinking out of a glass or aluminum bottle instead of a plastic water bottle during your day. Let's change the world peeps.

Mkay, tired, bye.

xo,

Vegan Bee, no Honey.

first things first i'm the realest

Wow, it's almost been a year since I've posted anything here that's a little cray.

Well where do I start. On friday the 5th that made two years since I permed my hair! So I'm two years post relaxer and a year fully natural so thats pretty exciting.

I also started working and have finished my first month there. so far and sadly, I kind of hate it and want to start looking for something else. Maybe it was the lack of training, the way that I wasnt told important information about my position and pay, or how they just take advantage of you with hours. Who knows.

Everything else is going well though. School is going. My sister just graduated high school and my brother elementary so thats exciting.

-dee

I can hear the bells (total Hairspray reference)

A close friend of mine is contemplating marriage with this guy she's dating. Crazy right? Well not that part...

Long story short: they were cool friends and then they fell for each other and so now they decided to date. 

Here's what's crazy to me, it's marriage! I feel like I'm stuck somewhere between Peter Pan and a new-age hippie. Positives before the negatives: umm, I just came from Indonesia and next week I'm probably going to Bahrian, Qatar, or Oman and if we're lucky, Jordan. It's looking a lot like we're hitting the African continent by the end of the year, now Kenya and Tanzania are in the running with South Africa. I know what I want to be when I grow up, if I ever do. My job is stressful, but I sincerely love the kids I take care of. 

Now I'm not trying to dump on myself, but to think of marriage is insane because I'm 95% sure I can't talk to a man seriously these days. I have one male friend and an acquaintance and I'm myself, but under the circumstances.... Oh gosh, I don't even know. 

I feel like such an absolute mess and I'm almost sure that I am. There are so few questions that I can answer definitively about my life, I get so stressed out just thinking about making a commitment to a man because I can't see myself dating for fun. 

Might I have a mental condition? I would not doubt it TBH. 

What my friend has with this guy is electrifying and magnetic and miraculous and I am so happy for her. If you knew, you'd know how much she deserves this and how it's a beautiful act of God. I just want to know where I stand as a female....with (viable) eggs....and a poetic mind....and a sarcastic, yet kind heart.

Let that marinate my brothers and sisters (pero, probably only sisters). 

Deuces,

Unwed Bee

The Lego Movie

What is it like to believe in yourself? Are you supposed to feel it coursing through your veins? Does it tingle? What's the catalyst that turns it on? Does something go right for you to begin believing in yourself? I don't think I believe in myself. It's really a fantastic concept, but it isn't my reality. Now I don't believe in predictions or definite plans, not anymore I don't. Even if someone gets it "wrong", it's still possible to believe....I think. Is focus necessary? I feel like it is, like you need to focus on one thing and pour your self belief into it until it grows and flourishes. I don't think I've ever made anything flourish. It's kind of sad to think about. You wana know what I believe? I believe that I am alive, I live in Abu Dhabi, I am a babysitter, and I believe that I am 20 years and 7 months old. It's currently 11:49 pm, I'm sitting at a messy dinner table, across from me is a red high chair and there's a sleeping child on the couch and I just wana know how the hell did I get here? How did I become this woman? Sometimes I just daydream about walking Hercules in safe Pembroke Pines late at night when nobody's out and there's a light breeze blowing and I'm just in absolute awe of the stars and my miracle dog. 

I jump subjects quicker than quick. Affirmations. Meditation. I'm tempted..... Well, I've tried meditation once. Guys, it's hard.

Maybe the second step to self improvement is to believe what you want to change first and others will take notice later on and bam! that's it! Right? 

I'm a mental mess these days. I'm usually ok because I'm so busy, but today I have time to think about the mess I've made out of my life. I don't know if I'm being positively reflective or negatively depressing (wow, depression isn't positive). 

I'm going to start with affirmations about believing in myself. 

Cheers (but not alcohol bc UAE),

Honey Bee

The Asian Experience 2014

I'm terribly late, but I'm back from my Asian experience! To keep this short and sweet, it was the best vacation/trip I have ever been on and that's saying something because I've been around. Indonesia is exciting, bright, happy, full of activity, and beautiful. I have achieved my most perfect tan, I have never looked more beautiful after those 2 weeks of skr8 heat. As a short recap, my mom and I rode an elephant, fed elephants, went white water rafting, dove 4 different times at 4 different dive spots, I'm scuba certified again y'all, we went to 2 other islands, sun bathed hullo, hiked a volcano at 3 am to watch the sun rise at 6 am, played with rescue sea turtles, did so much shopping because Indonesia is CHEAP, had a gorgeous sunset dinner, and visited a lot of different areas in Bali via private taxi. Without a doubt I'd recommend this trip to everyone I know! Some of the activities aren't for the faint hearted, but you can still really enjoy yourself without doing all of the physically demanding things my mom and I did. I'll post a few pictures, but all of my pictures are up on my other blog soooo check that out! I also made a video, it's my first time filming with the camera that I used so if you do watch, bear with me. I'll get better. I apologize in advance for the motion sickness you may feel from my shakiness. My b. 

Stay adventurous my friends.

XO,

Travel Bee

No me gusta ego

The ego is a dangerous thing, I haven't yet figured out why we (humans) have them. There's no room for them in relationships, so if you're in contact with a human being, you're part of that group. The ego makes you believe that you're always right, the fight is always worth it, this other person will constantly cater to your feelings and emotions, and that there's no bigger picture. NEWSFLASH, there is! Apologize if you must because you may be wrong, and yes humans are occasionally FUCKING WRONG, find a compromising solution that permits you both to be happy, and evaluate the situation's worth ... will you remember why you were mad in 2 hours? If it isn't worth ending the relationship between you and the person then kick your big ass ego to tha curb. No puede y'all. 

Because I found no use for my ego, I've done away with it.  If you ask me, we gamble way too much of our lives based on feelings, logic is cool too.

Wurd 2 ur mutha,

Bee

P.S. I think I'm gona start Grey's Anatomy soon, I just can't get into Arrow. I really tried. Sorry Colton, not sorry. To be fair though, I haven't seen Colton on it yet so I still love u bae.

Make it rain TRICK

Guys, it's still raining blessings on me. Let's recap! I got hired for about two and a half weeks by this one family for a 3 year old Castro and a 5 year old Lucianna (refer to my life via 8th grade), I'm now working for another family watching their 8 month old cutie pie who's name is Zayn and is such a good baby, and in April I'll be working for a family with a 9 year old genius who is so cute and a 6 year old mute who isn't really mute but I've never heard her talk. Perfect right?! You might say, it's actually raining money down on me. I'll do my money dance real quick (Twerky Dee emoji). How awesome right?! I finally get to save more money instead my bank account looking desolate af. I'm trying to save for Bali so I have money to buy souvenirs, trinkets, and maybe dinner or something for my mom and I as a treat. I'm honestly not making much at all, I'd make much more in the U.S., but it's business and if it weren't for the second family I mentioned, I wouldn't have gotten these other two jobs! Word of mouth is crazy y'all, it's so powerful. This one family told another family and when I was working for one I met another at the playground, the playground is where I believe I can do good business. 

This summer I'm supposed to be coming to Fl, but I might not ... LET ME EXPLAIN. My mom's job buys her a ticket home and she had to tell them when she wanted it so that brought on her asking me when I want to go back. I can obviously go and come when I please, but this house situation is such a pain in the ass bc I have no house in Fl. My other dilemma is this, my mom is talking about Iceland this summer and South Africa for Christmas break which sounds lovely, but those are just more tickets for her to continue to buy for me bc I'm broke. I want to come home for summer bc I miss my ladies and Hercules and I just wana relax in Florida bc why not! but if it's at the cost of thousands of dollars since it adds up to that after three trips, I just don't see how I can tell my mom I want to go. 

So if I do stay .... THEN WHAT?

I guess I don't mind staying home for a month alone, I've lived without family before I just haven't lived in a space solo. I'm down to do it, I could pick up some work or not idk. The apartment complex I live in is strictly for employees of the company that hired my mom so  if they all work for the school and school is over then idk. Haha. Maybe I could clean apartments? House sit for the families that go away for vacation like my mom is? I'm still contemplating the possibilities, I'll fill everyone in when I make my decision, but if I don't come back for summer or Christmas and don't see you all for another year or more .... then Skype me bc I love you.

I'm just chillin while baby Zayn is asleep. I wana be asleep bc I'm fucking sleepy. I've been awake since 6:20 and I've been working since 7. Yesterday my ambitious ass thought that after work I could go to the gym and take two classes, two hours of physical fitness. OK. To be fair, the second class is yoga so it isn't high intensity. I do know that I'm gona sleep like a fucking baby tonight #nightnightnikkuh (oh yea, I don't like saying the n word anymore, I'm pretty pro-black power these days, I don't identify as black bc nobody should, but I feel like it's such a lax cause in America). 

I'd be napping next to the baby right now, but my employer's dad is visiting so he's just here with me and that's mad awk.

mkay, luv y'all 2much.

XO,

 2Paid

Sunday night Blues

The concept of combining two different goals during the same timeframe is difficult, especially if one has to be sacrificed for the other. 

You can do the impossible, several times even, but fear is waiting for you around every corner.  Teachers and mentors and parents cheer you on as a child, they tell you how brilliant you are and that you're going to do something great and not to let anyone or thing obstruct your path to the point of being deterred.  Why didn't any of these wise and experienced adults warn us that our minds are probably going to be our greatest obstacle because our opinions are bold and trustworthy enough to sway us off of a ledge or behind someone else's shadow on their path.  

Is it possible that I instilled so much fear in myself that I stopped what I was doing and played it safe?  Was I the one who wreaked of ambition, so much that I made others question their own and admire mine?  How could I have possibly gotten so shaken up that I began to own defeat and let it be the resident feeling in my heart?  

How tough is life? I won't even pretend to know because this is just the beginning and I'll have plenty of other opportunities to fear the unknown, but it's up to me to tell myself and you two, honestly, that as painful as disappointment is, it will never hurt as much as an unfulfilled half-ass dream. 

Dream to the next galaxy and back, live as many of them as you can, make your life worthwhile because you are loved beyond measure and it shows; so radiate it more often.

Peace,

Honey Bee

FACTZ

Based on the current facts, this is clearly my blog now since my sisters are too (fill in the fucking blank bitches) to document their thoughts/life. So what's it like to talk to myself? It feels accomplished. Even though my posts just chill in cyberspace, I feel like my thoughts are being deposited somewhere other than my mind to be recycled for another day. That's the absolute worst, rehashing unpleasant thoughts.

If you must know, I don't really sleep anymore so there goes my sleep and everything else that sleep does for healthy human beings.

I successfully completed a 10 day master cleanse where I drank a spicy lemonade and only that for 10 days. I'm so proud of myself because that was seriously hard. It was sometimes the hunger, but I also missed having solid food in my mouth, so that was a bitch and half. I lost weight so that's cool and I'm pleased and I'm going to not only keep it off, but also shed a few more pounds and tone on up.

Why? WELL! It's official, I'm going to Bali, Indonesia for like 2 weeks for spring break!!! I'm so hype, it's insane. I'm so excited to be going, exploring, beaching it up, playing with elephants and eating yummy Balinese food. Of course I'll be taking lots of pictures and they'll be on my other blog, FYI. My goal is to look a lot more presentable in a bikini because hullo, I'd like to. 

That's enough news for 5 minutes.

Jou san (good morning in Cantonese),

Honey bee

Eat, Pray, Love

I started wondering today if my big move was even worth it, did I just waste all of these months overseas? For a second it felt like it amounted to nothing, absolutely nothing.  I get it now, I feel like a zero because I had to continue my path to success via route not fucking mine and I have no purpose these days. I have nothing to be proud of, nothing anyone feels proud of me for and I feel like a walking zero. It's as horrible as it sounds. I don't need constant praise, but I need to know that something's gone right, that I'm not trashing my life.  Do you know the last time someone told me that they were proud of me? Well, my mom just did because I passed my assessment and got a scholarship, but it's been a while before that.  Even if people were giving me constant praise, I realized that I'm not even praising myself and had I received constant praise, I would've believed it because people I love tell me so.  I learned something very important a week ago, just because someone loves you and you love them, doesn't mean everything they tell you is true about yourself. Not bashing myself, but I believe that it's important for me to believe that I am so proud of myself and my accomplishments before I just believe someone else because it's a beautiful compliment. Compliments are beautiful to me because I know them to be true and it's so nice to know that someone else recognizes it.  

Ok, and now that I'm tired and over this because if my dreams don't remind me, I'll forget how big of a zero I am these days; at least for 5-7 hours. 

Moral: Love yourself so that you will not only believe that others love you, but you can also radiate that love. Radiate love guys.

A traversiamo,

Bee

Selfishness and Shit

I finally understand how important finding yourself is and why it should be done alone and not while you're investing yourself in someone else. What it is to be young, to have the actual time to please your soul, strengthen your faith, feed your happiness and so much more. I would've never gotten this far if it hadn't of been for my need of self discovery and my detachment to men. How can I possibly ask someone to accept me and love me for who I am when I'm not even half way there myself? Love is beautiful and to witness it in different forms is memorizing and tempting, but who is a troubled soul to search for things to complete itself when it's solitude that it requires? If you can't learn to please yourself, how will you know what you love and can appreciate when someone else has noticed and would like to do for you? It's troubling to know that people only can appreciate and love things because it has been done for them and not because they've found elements of life that please them, who are when this person is gone and what are those elements to you now? 

I'm searching for fulfillment, ultimate satisfaction from every possible aspect that will complete me. I wish to be happy on my own and then happy with someone else. I want to resurrect all of the love that I know is inside of me, stuck under collapsed distress, anger, and lost faith. At the very least, I want to love myself the most (besides you, big G) to give the most of me to others deserving of it because those ready to accept and understand want the entire story and not a few pages from the world's best story. And as overused as this quote may be, it is exactly what I want to close my thoughts with because it is all I want out of humankind:

"Be the change you wish to see in the world"

- Gandhi

xo and a lot of peace,

 Bee

And just because it makes me so happy to read a thought of mine from this week happen in someone else's mind: 

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others"

- also Gandhi 

What You Know

Humans really are civilized animals...sometimes.  When an animal in the wild is angry or trying to assert dominance, they attempt to stand taller and, more often than not, use a louder way of communicating.  All I'm really saying here is that if we call ourselves human for a reason, why don't we at least try to mean it a little more?
Speaking of animals, that's something that animals and humans alike need, right?  When you betray the trust of an animal, I don't think they wait for you to prove yourself or win their trust back.  How do you know you can TRULY trust someone?  There's this one situation that I'm pretty skeptical of because my faith in the relationship went
down the drain.  Trust is like a building, in that, it is based on a strong foundation; multiple bricks/multiple moments of trust.  I also want something genuine out of that trust, I hate that I'm constantly questioning how genuine someone is being with me, whether they've got ulterior motives and how that'll come back to bite me in the ass,
especially since a relationship, romantic or not, is a huge investment.  Why is it that people don't understand that?  Like a friendship isn't that serious, that we can basically spin the bottle and whoever it lands on, we call a friend.  I am so not sorry for taking something like that seriously, especially since I'm actually a friend to
those I call one.  It seems simple, if you want to be a friend of mine; ACT LIKE IT.  Friendship is not convenience or timing, it's as if people just don't even know how to be committed on such a simple level. 
I recently questioned a friend of mine and their role in my life and how much less we spoke after my move.  I had to carefully analyze the situation because I didn't want to react before I'd seen the entire chess board, know what I'm up against.  It was basically obvious up until a few weeks ago when I noticed a redeeming quality in him/her
that changed the game completely.  Now I'm a really good savant on almost any situation that someone seeks advice for, I'm just awesome about being keen on details, but I had never met anyone who could do the same.  No offense to anyone who's ever given me advice, but it wasn't doing it for me.  What I got from this friend was raw thought, so
simply put that if I had ever over analyzed that, I'd have to find the equation to kicking myself in the ass.  I never imagined getting a taste of my own medicine, it was enlightening and tasty af. 
The moral of all of this is that your friends are not you, they may be similar to you or share similar qualities and/or interests with you, but chances are, you all don't think the exact same way.  I forget that like all of the time and I wish I didn't because I'd be able to notice and appreciate unique and admirable qualities about people a lot
faster than I currently do.  I do love this friend as I do all of my friends and maybe they are slacking on friend duties, but little things like perfect, life altering advice remind me that they do care and that they don't think like me and remember everything that I do and are the same type of friend that I am.  I think uniquely and specifically
to Bianca, so my friend isn't going to behave the way that I would for that very reason.
If you want to know why my thoughts are all over the place, I don't think I can even answer that tonight, but I can say that the next skill I will begin to master is understanding.  I want to understand people better, what makes them tick.  Understanding is everything and without it, we're stale and robotic.
To know yourself is only half of the battle.
xo Bianca

2014

Yikes, I really meant to post so long ago about the holidays, my trip down, the new year and other memories made in the process, but time escaped me.  As I sit here and shake my ass to Scarred (Uncle Luke) and write this post, I remember the whirlwind of a year I've had and that I actually spent most of it outside of the U.S.  It was one of my best years, 2013 was so happening and life changing for me with me meeting new friends, partying, moving to Belgium, touring France, and moving to the UAE, how do you think I feel?  When I realize how 2013 started and when it did, it has that long time ago/just yesterday effect right?!  What I can say to be true is the fact that each year I learn a larger quantity of life facts and it definitely changes my view on the world. 

2014 opened up a little different compared to previous years, we stayed in on New Years and had a little white wine to preview the smoothness that should be two thousand and fourteen. So far I've seen a change in my spirit, goals, and demeanor.  I've managed to up my testosterone circle from 1.5 to 3.5, but I'm sensing a temporary air.  I also sleep at night, what a fucking accomplishment guys, SERIOUSLY.  I'm going to get back into school after a year(it will be almost a year).  My hair is going to be 2 years old in 5 months and my skin has almost reached the goal I set out in September for my Bianca 2.0 Challenge.  I just got back in the gym and I'm eating better now that I'm back home, so the next phase of my Bianca 2.0 series is my body, stay tuned.

Not gonna lie, 2013 was surprising and different from any year I've ever experienced, but I am so ready.


Cheers,
  Bianca

P.S. There's talks of my mom and I taking a Southeast Asia or Africa trip for 2 weeks, HOLLAAAA!