I started wondering today if my big move was even worth it, did I just waste all of these months overseas? For a second it felt like it amounted to nothing, absolutely nothing. I get it now, I feel like a zero because I had to continue my path to success via route not fucking mine and I have no purpose these days. I have nothing to be proud of, nothing anyone feels proud of me for and I feel like a walking zero. It's as horrible as it sounds. I don't need constant praise, but I need to know that something's gone right, that I'm not trashing my life. Do you know the last time someone told me that they were proud of me? Well, my mom just did because I passed my assessment and got a scholarship, but it's been a while before that. Even if people were giving me constant praise, I realized that I'm not even praising myself and had I received constant praise, I would've believed it because people I love tell me so. I learned something very important a week ago, just because someone loves you and you love them, doesn't mean everything they tell you is true about yourself. Not bashing myself, but I believe that it's important for me to believe that I am so proud of myself and my accomplishments before I just believe someone else because it's a beautiful compliment. Compliments are beautiful to me because I know them to be true and it's so nice to know that someone else recognizes it.
Ok, and now that I'm tired and over this because if my dreams don't remind me, I'll forget how big of a zero I am these days; at least for 5-7 hours.
Moral: Love yourself so that you will not only believe that others love you, but you can also radiate that love. Radiate love guys.
A traversiamo,
Bee
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