What is it like to believe in yourself? Are you supposed to feel it coursing through your veins? Does it tingle? What's the catalyst that turns it on? Does something go right for you to begin believing in yourself? I don't think I believe in myself. It's really a fantastic concept, but it isn't my reality. Now I don't believe in predictions or definite plans, not anymore I don't. Even if someone gets it "wrong", it's still possible to believe....I think. Is focus necessary? I feel like it is, like you need to focus on one thing and pour your self belief into it until it grows and flourishes. I don't think I've ever made anything flourish. It's kind of sad to think about. You wana know what I believe? I believe that I am alive, I live in Abu Dhabi, I am a babysitter, and I believe that I am 20 years and 7 months old. It's currently 11:49 pm, I'm sitting at a messy dinner table, across from me is a red high chair and there's a sleeping child on the couch and I just wana know how the hell did I get here? How did I become this woman? Sometimes I just daydream about walking Hercules in safe Pembroke Pines late at night when nobody's out and there's a light breeze blowing and I'm just in absolute awe of the stars and my miracle dog.
I jump subjects quicker than quick. Affirmations. Meditation. I'm tempted..... Well, I've tried meditation once. Guys, it's hard.
Maybe the second step to self improvement is to believe what you want to change first and others will take notice later on and bam! that's it! Right?
I'm a mental mess these days. I'm usually ok because I'm so busy, but today I have time to think about the mess I've made out of my life. I don't know if I'm being positively reflective or negatively depressing (wow, depression isn't positive).
I'm going to start with affirmations about believing in myself.
Cheers (but not alcohol bc UAE),
Honey Bee
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