I need motivation and acceptance

Wow!! How long has it been since I've been on this shit?
I have come to another realization, (it's the same one over and over again) I'M SO UNMOTIVATED TO DO ANYTHING. This AFTERNOON, I woke up at 3:36 and ate two cupcakes (which used to be part of a family of six). I felt like I was in an indie movie where everything was going wrong and these cupcakes tasting good were the only thing that kept me living. Yes!!! I had become every sad unmotivated heart broken bombshell in the making from every chick flick put together. I looked at my room and the cupcakes and then my life. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!? When did I become the movie girl? When did I start going to parties to get fucked up and fucked? When did I start being the girl who cries about some guy that has no relevance in my life in the bathroom while everyone tries to help me to the car? When did I start drunkenly confessing a love that was never there nor will ever be there over the phone? And when did I start getting so emotional during Romantic Comedies? Something is wrong and I need to fix it. I don't know if I just need to give myself a pep talk or run until my legs fall off but something inside of me just is working the way it used to.
This week was one of my worst school weeks ever. I have been skipping speech class to sleep, not doing homework and barely caring about math. My room is a disaster, I have shopping bags and shoe boxes and clothes everywhere! I care enoigh to notice but not enought to do anything.
All I can think about is summer coming so I can go home and maybe start over. But the one thing I cant seem to settle on is how do things get better when everyone around me is turning to shiticle. This one has school to worry about and the other one is consumed by her new life and her next life and I'm starting to think that soon I'm going to end up being a friend from her last life. The friends I made here weren't meant to last and crying has become a full time job. I miss Miami but I don't miss my house which I'm still trying to figure out if I want to live in. A year from now I may not even be able to recognize myself and my situation with all the changes. I hope I'm one of the good indie movies with a super cheesy ending where I walk into the sunset with everyone knowing that I'm happy and my life is going to be great.

hash tag maybe I'm looking too hard for something that isn't there