Make it rain TRICK

Guys, it's still raining blessings on me. Let's recap! I got hired for about two and a half weeks by this one family for a 3 year old Castro and a 5 year old Lucianna (refer to my life via 8th grade), I'm now working for another family watching their 8 month old cutie pie who's name is Zayn and is such a good baby, and in April I'll be working for a family with a 9 year old genius who is so cute and a 6 year old mute who isn't really mute but I've never heard her talk. Perfect right?! You might say, it's actually raining money down on me. I'll do my money dance real quick (Twerky Dee emoji). How awesome right?! I finally get to save more money instead my bank account looking desolate af. I'm trying to save for Bali so I have money to buy souvenirs, trinkets, and maybe dinner or something for my mom and I as a treat. I'm honestly not making much at all, I'd make much more in the U.S., but it's business and if it weren't for the second family I mentioned, I wouldn't have gotten these other two jobs! Word of mouth is crazy y'all, it's so powerful. This one family told another family and when I was working for one I met another at the playground, the playground is where I believe I can do good business. 

This summer I'm supposed to be coming to Fl, but I might not ... LET ME EXPLAIN. My mom's job buys her a ticket home and she had to tell them when she wanted it so that brought on her asking me when I want to go back. I can obviously go and come when I please, but this house situation is such a pain in the ass bc I have no house in Fl. My other dilemma is this, my mom is talking about Iceland this summer and South Africa for Christmas break which sounds lovely, but those are just more tickets for her to continue to buy for me bc I'm broke. I want to come home for summer bc I miss my ladies and Hercules and I just wana relax in Florida bc why not! but if it's at the cost of thousands of dollars since it adds up to that after three trips, I just don't see how I can tell my mom I want to go. 

So if I do stay .... THEN WHAT?

I guess I don't mind staying home for a month alone, I've lived without family before I just haven't lived in a space solo. I'm down to do it, I could pick up some work or not idk. The apartment complex I live in is strictly for employees of the company that hired my mom so  if they all work for the school and school is over then idk. Haha. Maybe I could clean apartments? House sit for the families that go away for vacation like my mom is? I'm still contemplating the possibilities, I'll fill everyone in when I make my decision, but if I don't come back for summer or Christmas and don't see you all for another year or more .... then Skype me bc I love you.

I'm just chillin while baby Zayn is asleep. I wana be asleep bc I'm fucking sleepy. I've been awake since 6:20 and I've been working since 7. Yesterday my ambitious ass thought that after work I could go to the gym and take two classes, two hours of physical fitness. OK. To be fair, the second class is yoga so it isn't high intensity. I do know that I'm gona sleep like a fucking baby tonight #nightnightnikkuh (oh yea, I don't like saying the n word anymore, I'm pretty pro-black power these days, I don't identify as black bc nobody should, but I feel like it's such a lax cause in America). 

I'd be napping next to the baby right now, but my employer's dad is visiting so he's just here with me and that's mad awk.

mkay, luv y'all 2much.

XO,

 2Paid

Sunday night Blues

The concept of combining two different goals during the same timeframe is difficult, especially if one has to be sacrificed for the other. 

You can do the impossible, several times even, but fear is waiting for you around every corner.  Teachers and mentors and parents cheer you on as a child, they tell you how brilliant you are and that you're going to do something great and not to let anyone or thing obstruct your path to the point of being deterred.  Why didn't any of these wise and experienced adults warn us that our minds are probably going to be our greatest obstacle because our opinions are bold and trustworthy enough to sway us off of a ledge or behind someone else's shadow on their path.  

Is it possible that I instilled so much fear in myself that I stopped what I was doing and played it safe?  Was I the one who wreaked of ambition, so much that I made others question their own and admire mine?  How could I have possibly gotten so shaken up that I began to own defeat and let it be the resident feeling in my heart?  

How tough is life? I won't even pretend to know because this is just the beginning and I'll have plenty of other opportunities to fear the unknown, but it's up to me to tell myself and you two, honestly, that as painful as disappointment is, it will never hurt as much as an unfulfilled half-ass dream. 

Dream to the next galaxy and back, live as many of them as you can, make your life worthwhile because you are loved beyond measure and it shows; so radiate it more often.

Peace,

Honey Bee