Lately, I've been thinking about men a lot more than I feel like I ever have. For starters, I see them in a different light, not like a high school lighting, more like real life lighting. I've never really entertained the idea of dating because I've honestly never been ready, I have had too many problems to jump into something like that. I'm past all of that now, I'm in a different game (if I ever pass GO and collect $200) and I'm still not ready. Men sort of feel like the devil when he was trying to give Adam and Eve the fruit ... I feel all of the "no's" shouting at my face, but I'm being lured in by accents and bodies and beautiful jaw lines. I feel like I can't even see past right now and I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I don't love it. Is the feeling of wanting to complete someone else strong enough to drag your other half all the way to you? I hope it isn't someone I went to high school with and meet in the near future, I went to high school with people I didn't really like ... Including the ones I hung out with (and obviously later decided that I didn't like them, hence the falling of so many of my friendships). Out of all of these things that I want and hope for, I think I just want knowledge since it's all I can control, it's a realistic aspiration isn't it? I can't make a man do back flips in my direction because I find his face interesting nor can line up perfect candidates and pick out my perfect man and buy a Barbie dream house together because the 80's are over and I'm not Kazam. I'll just end my whining with a prayer in hopes of good health because if the tables turn the way they always do, then I may have to chase my husband or do something physically demanding and I can't be a limp bitch trying to be physical.
Sleep loose (because its hot in Belgium),
Honey B.
p.s. I'm off to France tomorrow, wish me luck ... My Belgian dad doesn't like his in-laws and I trust his judgement.
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